1. |
Cicatrice
03:22
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There is no god here
There is no sun
There are no symbols, there is no meaning
There is no pleasure to be had
There is only the singing pain
of a brand iron on my hip
Cuts and scars across my arms and the sting of knowing that i am not my own
I am not alone here
You are here with me
You are all here in this hole
So why do you blame me
When i claw at the walls and rip off my nails reaching for the surface?
Inside me is a scar that you have never felt
And on you is a scar that i could never bear
No matter how hard we try to hide them
And how much time has passed
They still burn on our skin to remind us
This is how we are bonded
So put down your guard
This is how we are bonded
So lay away your knife
This how we are bonded
So wear them in the light
This is how we are bonded
And what compels us to stay alive
This is how we are bonded
This is Cicatrice
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2. |
Broken
06:10
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What will they say on the day of my wake
After they get to me?
What will they say on the day of my wake
What is my elegy?
“I hope she wasn’t conscious
I hope she’s at peace
I hope it wasn’t painful and she passed in her sleep”
Crouching in some attic
On my hands and knees
Wilting like a flower
And cursing through my teeth
This is my blood shed for you
This is my body broken for you
I’m broken
Paranoid
Anxious
Dysphoric
Walking on glass
And biting right through my lips
This last ditch
Might just be my wrist
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3. |
I Have Hate in My Heart
07:29
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I’ve seen a change in me
And I've noticed a change in you
And now it can’t go back
now it can’t be undone
Something comes up from below
That I cannot control
And if i could get my hands around your throat
I can’t promise that ill ever let go
I can try to push it down and fit in with the rest of you
And fall right in line with you slugs
But I have hate in my heart
There is real hate in my heart
I place the hammer in my hand
I place the knife in my hand
I place the gun in my hand
I place the hammer in my hand
I’ve felt a change in me
And I'm getting very bored of you
And now it can’t go back
Some things can never be undone
Something comes up from below
That I cannot control
And if I could get my hands around your throat
I promise I will never let go
I can try to push it down and fit in with the rest of you
And fall right in line
But I have hate in my heart
There is real hate in my heart
I place the hammer in my hand
I place the knife in my hand
I place the gun in my hand
I place the hammer in my hand
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4. |
Hormone Access
06:00
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In autumn
The air feels like cold nails
Piercing my lungs
News of another
Dead girl pierces through the TV speakers
And no, I never knew you, I glance at your picture
All I have is your name to remember
I carry the weight of a body on my chest
A depression on my lungs, breathing in this wretched smog
I close my eyes and picture names on a webpage
And among them, one delicately selected, and expertly chosen
And it dances on my lips, repeating in a chant
Screaming burns my throat begging to repent
They’ll never bury you with that, you know they never do
No matter how youve tried to kill that part of you
And the cycle will repeat in its vicious repetition
To prevent you from obtaining such vital medication
Count your vials now, there is no access now
Your bones will simply crumble
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5. |
NATAL
06:12
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If I am free
Why can’t I take myself into my own hands?
Then I will be
In a grave never having known my true self
This body is a temple for an alien faith
Who decides if I’m born under the sign of death
This body is made of clay whose form does not bend
With the hands of those who shape it
If everyone I’ve ever been
Is all I’ll ever be
I did not consent to living in this reality
Natal
It’s a curse to know you’re alive
In this errant skin, in this troubled body
I'm an animal trapped in the snare
Of a machine that spits me out once I am used up
And useless
If I am unchanging
Unable to alter who I was before
If I am stagnant
Then I am not a part of this greater organism
Nature gives way to cycles of time
Everything changes and everyone dies
Grab oppressors by their zealous throats
Make this world better for our own
I’m not afraid of death
So hear me thru my teeth
If I have to die I am taking someone with me
Natal
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6. |
10,000 Dead IDF
01:18
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I cant see
I can’t breathe
I can’t hear
I can’t feel
Blood in my eyes
Blood in my lungs
Blood in my ears
Blood on my hands
I am numb
I am numb
I am numb
I am numb
Who can write
Who can sing
Who can feel anything
After this
After this
After this
Never again
Never again
Never Again
Never Again
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7. |
Dead Girl
07:04
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I am a dead girl
Every day I wake up more dead than the last
With every other girl fucking killed
Every word you take from their mouths
Every last breath stolen
I am laying on the side of the road
I am floating in the lake
Lungs full of scum
Stomach full of black bile
I have so much hate for you
Every opportunity you've taken from me
The hate and rage I have for you is unfathomable
It collects like tar in the pit of my gut
It singes the walls within me
Soon to spill out onto the floor before me
I wish nothing but black spitting bile on you and
Everyone close to you
And you'll never fucking touch me again
Every day it gets more dangerous to be alive
It gets harder and harder to exist
It becomes more difficult to be
If I cannot live
If I cannot change myself
Then I must be dead
I must be a dead girl
I am a dead girl
I am a dead girl
I look like every other dead girl
And every dead girl looks like me
I am a dead girl
I am every fucking dead girl
I am a dead girl
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8. |
Bastard State
01:40
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I’m looking over my shoulder
I’m burning at both ends
I know they will find me
Hiding underneath this skin
It’s not a matter of if
It’s a matter of when
I’m ripping off the wallpaper
I’m peeling off my nails
I know they will find me
And drag me to their hell
Never say it wont happen
They will drag you down as well
Ruptured clawing women bleeding
Violent revile seeking
Medication treating wounding
Suffocate collapse
Packing tissue pus is spurting
Joy is lost and fear, unnerving
Loveless marriage state mandated
Motherhood denied
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9. |
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(Instrumental)
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Cicatrice Portland, Oregon
sludge / industrial solo project from Charlotte, NC.
Currently based in Portland, OR
ATA - Anti Transphobia Action
instagram: @cicatrice.ig
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